


C R A C K. A T T A C K.

by DanniSpace



Category: Undertale
Genre: Crack, Other, its a day before easter and i writer This help, kill me now please
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 04:05:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18541909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DanniSpace/pseuds/DanniSpace
Summary: Wooo wooo this isn’t your stop but get off the fucking train welcome to crazy town it’s full of skeletons and murdering children have fun and merry birthday.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ur mom](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ur+mom).



> AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Epic! Sans senpai

“Oh please,” Blueberry pleaded, “Please don’t do it- I’M BEGGING YOU ERROR!” 

Error laughed as sweat rolled down Blues forehead. He knew the little copy could NEVER beat him. 

“Error no!” Blue shouted. Tears gathered in his eye sockets. 

“ItS ToO LaTe, yOu cAn’T StOp mE!” 

“ERROR PLEASE!” 

With the power of the Core in all the Au’s Error destroyed, he slammed down his hand. Blue felt helpless. How could he have let this happen? He was a fool. He’ll never see Papy now. 

“UNO BITCH.” Error screamed. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Blueberry curled up in a ball and cried, stating there for all eternity. 

 

“...YoU DeAd?” Error asked, kicking Blue lightly. 

“GO AWAY I HAVE TO HIDE MY SHAME!”


	2. Oppai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DUNDUNDUNDUN   
> DUN   
> DUN   
> DUN  
> DUNDUNDUN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE A SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD FUCK YOU INSTAGRAM EDITS

Frisk opened the door, shuffling out of the ruins. The slight forest breeze shifted dust around their feet.

The forest wasn’t new to them. They’ve walked this path a thousand times. Sometimes with some pie and a clean face, others with a toy knife after a bath in dust and misery. 

They considered themselves an artist. 

They walked past the big stick on the ground. Had it been the beginning, they would’ve tried to pick it up. It’s a nice walking stick, or weapon. But it was no use to them, too heavy and too useless for them to waste their time on. 

The snow crunched under their feet. Not bothering to hide it, Frisk looked around. A shadow, a whisper, and loud crack.

Nothing?

The comedian always came around this time. Cracking the stick to startle Frisk, or speeding past them in the cover of the shadows. But there was nothing.

Frisk made it to the bridge. The bars were too wide to stop them from going through. It was funny at first, nostalgic eventually. But now it was just annoying. The toy knife twitched in Frisks hand, itching to do something. Maybe cut a head off? 

“H u m a n.” 

The comedians voice rumbled lowly, Frisk could feel it in their chest. Their sins crawled delightfully. 

Frisk turned around, holding their hand out, expecting their handshake. 

That was not they got. 

“Hit or miss! I guess they never miss, Huh?” 

Sans was dressed in some kind of anime girl outfit, completed with a black wig in pigtails on top of his skull. He folded his hands behind him and walked towards Frisk, swaying his hips dramatically. 

“You gotta boyfriend? I bet he’s never kissed ya!” 

He smiled and put his hand in a finger gun, then set his chin on it. 

“He gon’ find another girl and he won’t miss ya!” 

Frisk stepped back, confused. 

“He gon’ skurrt and hit the dab like Wiz Kalifah!” 

Suddenly, Frisk felt their soul ripped out and everything went black and white. A faster blaster emerged. 

Frisks soul shattered.


	3. What’s wrong Jimmy-kun. Are you cravings my Q U A C K S O N T S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how to explain this. 
> 
>  
> 
> But I’m You. And I’m from the future. Bitch.

“Hello Sans.” Grillby greeted the skeleton as he strolled in. 

“What’s cookin, Grillbs.” Sans greeted back. 

Grillby grabbed a ketchup bottle and slid it to Sans before starting to dry a cup. “How was your day?”

“Oh, business as usual. I got a skeleton of work done yesterday so there wasn’t much to ketchup on. 

Grillby nodded, putting the glass down before grabbing another. “You seem really heated today, Grillbs, anything happen?” Sans asked back. Grillby stopped to think, then shrugged. “Not much. There was a lunch rush though, some people from the capital wanted to visit Snowden, they stopped in here.” 

Sans nodded, impressed. “Seems you were on fire today.” 

Grillby shrugged again. 

“Anything else happen? Don’t stop until you’ve bar-ed it all to me.” Sans took a swig of ketchup, humming soundly. 

“A monster from waterfall hit on me, though it might’ve been a bet.” 

“Ooh, is it getting hot in here?” Sans teased.

“Oh, whatever.” Grillby threw a rag at Sans face.

“You two sound perfect tomato. I’ll be your wingman if you want, just don’t go running me rag-ed.” 

“Was that a joke?” Grillby asked. 

“Was it humerus?” Sans threw the rag back at Grillby. “Absolutely not. Get out of my bar, you know the rules.” 

“But Grillbs! You kick me out again and I’ll be Skull-king for the rest of the day!” Sans groaned. 

“The rules are: no bad jokes around my food.” 

“But it was really punny!” 

“Out!” 

“Fine, but can I get some, Excuse my French, fries before I go? It’s cold outside.”

“Fine.” Grillby conceded. 

“Yay! I would’ve kept that joke in if I would’ve snown.” 

Sans was shoved out the door, Face first into the snow with his butt in the air. Fries with a worrisome amount of ketchup was gently set on his ass.


	4. Poof but saturated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHOS BACK BACK BACK   
> BACK AGAIN-GAIN-GAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. It’s wings are too small for its body, hindering the aerodynamics.

FRESH POOF

Error was sitting on the couch, reading a book. Peeking from behind the couch, Fresh looked at Error. He was thoroughly occupied, not really paying attention to anything. 

Mom wasn’t home and Errors “How to react when your brother is a parasite” was keeping him from stopping Fresh, he set into motion. 

Quietly, he grabbed a furby he had taken from his stash. He had ripped out the voice box earlier, so now it squawked in silence as Fresh held the mouth open. He shoved in a small amount of TNT that he got from sources nobody really HAS to know about. 

Now, he knew furby’s have the tendency to explode when severe pressure is applied. He’s caught at least three houses on fire since he started it collection.

Which, overall, was a shame. His collection was growing quite rapid for only starting about two weeks ago, but it dwindles often. 

He wondered why. 

Fresh checked over the couch one more time, then checked the clock on the wall. He had about 15 minutes until LoverOfPiggies comes home with Geno. 

It was time to act. 

Fresh lept into the couch, balancing on the back with a mighty “YO BRAH!” Startled, Error jumped slightly before glaring at Fresh. “WhAt aRe yOu dO-“ 

Fresh interrupted him by chucking the furby to the floor as hard as he could, then falling back behind the couch. He landed on his back right as a huge BANG went off, sounding like a gun shot. Error screamed and smoke started filling the room. 

Error, now more furious than scared left over the couch and grabbed Fresh by the collar. “ThIs wHy mOm dOeSn’T FUNKING LovE You!” He screeched. 

Fresh cackled, sunglasses flashing from “YO-LO” which was honestly appropriate, to “HA-HA”. 

Fresh stopped laughing and Error stopped trying to strangle him when they both heard the door open. “What’s going on in here?” LoverOfPiggies asked. “Ayyyyye Mom.” Fresh greeted from the floor. Error grunted and pulled on Fresh’s collar again. 

“Why is there a hole in the carpet?” Geno asked, kicking a metal piece of the furby. Fresh laughed again, earning another pull on the collar and a knee in the ribs. 

“Oh,” Fresh answered. “Just what happens when you have some radical bonding bro time with mah bruh Error here.”


	5. Moofet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absolute bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now you should know that I have literally no sense. 
> 
>  
> 
> But I can give you a dollar.

Geno woke up knowing that something weird was gonna happen today. He expected it. 

But he was not expecting Reaper and Goth on top of the fridge. 

Geno walked into the kitchen, spotting the two from the doorway. “Well good morning, darling.” Reaper greeted. He shifted a little so that Goth wouldn’t fall off. “What are you doing?” Geno asked. 

“Oh, just chilling.” Reaper smirked as Geno facepalmed.

Geno walked a little closer to the two, raising a brow bone at Goth, who just shrugged. “Why... Uh, why are you sitting on top of the fridge?” He asked. Reaper scoffed, “I can sit wherever I want, this is my house too.” 

They stared at each other for a few moments, not saying anything. Goth looked at his parents, tempted to kick Reaper off. 

“Where’s the spider.” Geno asked.

“Behindthecounterpleasekillit.” 

Geno sighed and shook his head, before circling around the counter. 

Reaper let out a shaky breath and patted Goth on the arm. “It’s gonna be okay Goth, it’s not gonna hurt us anymore.” Goth glared at him. 

Geno grabbed a broom so he could sweep the spider outside or something, then went to the part of the counter where the spider was at. 

And he S C R E A M E D. 

There was a spider the size of Geno in their kitchen. It was huge, and purple with a cupcake hat and a fuzzy ass. It hissed at Geno and he screamed again, before scrambling up onto the counter. “HOLY FUCKING SHIT REAPER YOU’RE LITERALLY THE GOD OF FUCKING DEATH KILL IT!” 

“You see that!” Reaper yelled back, pointing at the spider. “That thing is gonna kill me first! I can’t let a spider take over my role!” 

“This house is a fucking nightmare!” Goth yelled before teleporting next to Geno. He stood on the counter and summoned his scythe, before swinging down violently. 

Everybody calmed down, Geno hiding behind his hands. “Is it dead?” Reaper asked. Goth opened his eyes slowly, before peeking over the edge of the counter.

“IT’S GONE.” 

The family screamed together and then burned down their house.


End file.
